Do Calories Really Exist?

Dude. I burned 1,194 calories at the gym today. And I wasn't even giving it my all because I am still (or, more accurately, again) feeling sick to my tummy. And apparently I looked queasy, because my friend Nikki asked after class, "Are you okay, Jen? You don't look like you have your normal...oomph today. Although your eyebrows look great, did you get them done?" (FYI: This is possibly my favorite bizarrely random gym comment EVER. Oh - and no, I did not get them done.)

But back to the 1,194 calories. I mean...hello? Can someone please explain to me again why I am fat? Oh. Yeah. Because I eat a lot. But seriously - today was NOT an atypical day. I usually take kickboxing and weights on Thursdays, so if I've been consistently burning that many calories, then how many calories must I be taking in? Scary to think about. I remember when I first started jogging a few years ago, the weight just flew off my body. (Like, literally. If I did more than a mile, I'd start seeing pockets of cellulite soaring past my eyes.) I ate like it was my job when I was jogging and still lost 30 pounds. Fast forward to post-35-years-old, and I've been exercising consistently for over two years and have actually gained weight.

So, so depressing. The only solution I can seem to find (other than to stop consuming Hostess Cupcakes like they are multivitamins) is to get back to jogging. I have new running shoes, and I definitely plan to use them while in Florida with the family next week. My goal is to do 15 miles while on vacation - which is a completely conservative and realistic goal. And let me just say now that if I don't see at least one freckle fall listlessly from my skin while pounding the pavement, I'm trading this body in for a new one.