The Beginning

I started Jenny Craig on January 11 of this year. My plan is to chart my progress with this blog. My first week I did rather well and lost 4.2 lbs. This week...well, I've yet to follow the program this week, so I'd say that qualifies as "not so well." Mindnumbingly boring diet details to follow in future postings, but before that...cue brief exposition, please.

The facts? I am a 36 year old, morbidly obese female. The nuances? Hmmm...way too many to go into in one post, although I'm sure we'll get there eventually. For now, the simple truth is that I am currently at a crossroads, one I have faced many, many, many times before. I've no idea which road I will choose. I am hopeful, but wary...all previous evidence indicates I'll opt for the path of least resistance, which for me equals the path of failure. Because YES, I am addicted to food, and YES, I have struggled with this overwhelming problem for as long as I can remember, and YES, I have tried just about every diet on the market (including Jenny Craig!), and YES, I have lost and regained literally hundreds of pounds over the years...only to find myself now at the heaviest I've ever been in my life.

BUT...I have never before tried journaling my way through the process. I have kept food diaries and other writings, but never a no-holds-barred ME diary. Hence, this blog. I plan to pour all my thoughts, fears, frustrations, dreams, obstacles, disappointments and goals into this blog. Every struggle, every rage, every horror, every weakness, every choice, every embarrassment, every failure, AND every success - every ridiculously minuscule, vitally important success - they all go here. And this one thing I promise myself: I Will Hold Nothing Back. This blog will be my chronicle of accountability. In doing this, my hope...nay, my prayer is that if I express and expose all these feelings churning inside of me, they will finally stop eating me alive. And consequently, I will finally stop eating myself to death.

So. Deep breath. Hold on tight. And...away we go.